lady parts

Here it is, the thing you all come here - or to almost any blog for that matter - in search of: very personal information about my life! Today's exciting personal information is this: I am having a period! A real-live fest of womanly bleeding, cramps, and lower-back aches! An actual accounting of the functionality of my reproductive system! I understand that this may not seem exciting to the casual observer, or maybe you're one of those folks who has just had it up to the eyeballs with women and their dang periods, but allow me to do a bit of scene-setting.
I haven't had a period, or especially normal physical functions since early October when we went through the whole in vitro process of pumping me up with hormones, harvesting and fertilizing eggs, and freezing the resultant embryos. Shortly thereafter I started chemo which made several things happen. First, it made me tired. Then it made me nauseated. Then it made my hair fall out. It made my skin dry up so that despite drinking LOTS of water, (begrudgingly) taking fewer and cooler showers, and moisturizing like a swamp-dweller transported to Death Valley, I still itch and flake. It makes my bones ache. The aching bones were just a side effect of the growth factor shots, but now are a side effect of both my current infusion drug, Taxol, and the growth factor shots. Ouch. It made my periods stop altogether. And, as if that weren't enough, it gives me hot flashes. Fucking hot flashes at 28 years old! Embarrassing and occasionally hilarious, like the time I was talking to students about travel and mentioned that I did a bit of European back-packing when suddenly a hot flash struck, making me turn BEET RED and SWEATY, which in turn made them very uneasy and very curious. Or the time I had one at a show and two generous men tried to make me feel better by asserting that they were sure they'd experienced the same thing. Sorry dudes, but you have not. I think I appreciate your effort to normalize this unusual phenomenon. Yes, I realize that men occasionally have hot flashes but, as in women, it corresponds to later-in-life changes in hormone levels and these guys were my age.
The only thing any doctors, books, or web forums said about my cycle stopping was that at my age, chances were good that it would return within the next YEAR or TWO, which left me with some serious concerns about the resiliency of my reproductive system, and pretty distressed about what these drugs are doing inside of me. It's strange how important this feels. I used an IUD for years and so had very few and very light menstrual cycles. I didn't anticipate feeling so jilted when the chemo sent me into amenorrhea, but in combination with the loss of so much else that felt normal and feminine, this absence, too, was quite glaring.
Welcome back.